Purgatory
by delusionaldamsel
Summary: Spoilers for season 7 Supernatural! Caroline and Sam try to come to terms with Dean's disappearance but are they both on the same page about how to move forward? One shot maybe? Dearoline some Sam/Caroline(?)


AN: This takes place right after the end of season 7. Caroline has been with the Winchester's since Dean made the deal with the crossroads Demon. Just a short of what Caroline and Sam felt when Dean disappeared again.

It had been three weeks since Dean had disappeared. Caroline hadn't known how to survive the first week. She spent the first week never leaving the make shift bed in the abandoned cabin her and Sam were occupying. The hours blended into days as she stared at her ceiling, listening to every sad song on her iPod while she drowned in her own despair. He was gone, again. That's all she could think about while she let the tears run down her face. Caroline's insides were tangled in knots every second of every day, nothing brought her comfort. Sam tried to feed the starving girl but it was hopeless, Caroline just continued to stare up at the ceiling and cry.

Then one day she just stopped crying. Not like every other time where she would cry until she became dehydrated and silently stare at the ceiling until her body replenished its water and suddenly she was crying again. No, this time Caroline refused to cry, pushed herself out of bed, took a shower, and made her way into the living room where Sam sat drinking a beer. When she walked out of the bedroom Sam stared wide eyed at the girl, cautiously waiting for her to say something. It hurt him to see Caroline like this, a girl once as bright as the sun now losing her entire being. She looked thinner, and the shirt she was wearing that was obviously Dean's drowned her figure in a sea of fabric. There were dark circles under her once shining blue eyes that now were a dull shade of gray blue. Caroline's once perfectly healthy wavy blonde hair hung around her shoulders, her now unmanageable hair dripping with water. Caroline stood in front of Sam staring through him as if she couldn't even see him. Sam stayed silent, hoping Caroline would say something. He wasn't even sure if she was able to speak anymore. Though Caroline always had something to say about everything, she hadn't said a word since Dean had gone missing.

Sam wasn't sure what to do. This wasn't like the last time. When Dean had gone to Hell Caroline had been prepared and she found a way to get herself through each day. She became the best hunter she could, she busied herself with household tasks, she was determined to survive because she had made a promise to Dean she would. Now nothing drove Caroline, nothing made her want to get out of bed. Last time Dean had disappeared Caroline screamed, she broke things, she went on tangents about how she didn't do enough to try and save him. She actually spoke last time. This time, it was as if Dean had taken everything that made Caroline who she was with him.

Finally after what felt like hours of sitting there cautiously watching Caroline's every move, Sam saw Caroline take a deep breath as she tried to focus on Sam. When she looked at him Sam could tell she was trying to see him, the Sam in front of her, but it was obvious Caroline's thoughts were thousands of miles away.

"We have to find him." Caroline said, her voice strained and emotionless.

Sam looked at her in agony. It had been so long since he had heard her speak. She sounded so lost and Sam couldn't say anything to bring her back.

"Caroline, we don't even know where to start." Sam said sympathetically.

Caroline's eyes widened and she suddenly looked desperate. "Well we have to start somewhere! We have to find him Sam."

"Caroline…he would want us to move on."

That made Caroline focus completely on Sam. "I don't care what he would want Sam! He's not here! He can't tell me what to do because HE'S NOT HERE!"

Sam pushed himself off the couch and walked over to Caroline. She was going through the stages of loss, like any person would, but as Sam watched her, he felt she was breaking. She wasn't the same Caroline, and Sam was afraid her sorrow would consume her. Sam knew the feeling, he had felt it when Jess had died, but he picked up and moved on. Nothing about Caroline said she was going to move on.

Sam ran a hand down Caroline's cheek as he searched her eyes for some hint of sanity. The moment he touched her Caroline's eyes glazed over once again. Physical Caroline stood right in front of him, but her thoughts were elsewhere. Sam sighed as he continued to hold her face in his hand.

"What are you going to do if we can't get him back?" Sam asked.

Caroline pushed Sam's hand away and stared up at him in disgust. "How could you even say that? I'm going to get him back. _We're _going to get him back. I don't care if I have to go to Hell myself, I am not going to just move on."

Sam saw the passion in her eyes, she wasn't going to let this go. She was going to fight for him, even if it killed her. Sam sighed and nodded.

"Okay Caroline, let's get to work." Sam said simply going through the motions.

Three weeks, three weeks since Dean had disappeared and there was no sign of him. They had spent every waking moment going through every news channel possible looking for any lead on Dick Roman or Dean or anything out of the ordinary. Nothing had changed except the world seemed to go quiet for the first time in a while.

Caroline wouldn't rest, she refused to sleep. She went through every contact the Winchester's and Bobby knew. None of them had dealt with half the things Dean, Sam, and Caroline had fought in the last few years, so they were all a dead end. Caroline didn't stop there, she just cut her loses and pushed through. She wasn't going to stop, she didn't know if she was going to be like this forever, all Caroline knew was she would never feel whole without Dean, and this time, she wasn't going to just sit around and cry.

When Sam woke up he was surprised to find Caroline wasn't there. He checked the bathroom and the living room but no sight of Caroline. He was starting to get worried when he heard a faint voice coming from outside. Sam threw on his jacket and walked out into the rain. As soon as he opened the door he could hear Caroline's voice in the distance screaming. Panic took over as Sam ran towards her voice, unable to feel the cold rain against his skin or comprehend what Caroline was screaming as he ran to protect the last person he had. When he found her, Caroline stood in the middle of a field shouting at the sky.

"I know you can hear me! After everything we've done for you! Castiel is gone too, shouldn't you be looking for him? You stupid angels owe me, I kept my hot headed Winchester from messing up the world so many times while you just sat there, now I need one thing from you and you pretend you can't hear me? God must be so proud that you guys are in charge!" Caroline shouted and cried at the sky.

Sam stood there and watched her as her head fell and she cried into her hands. For a while Sam just stood there, watching as she suffered through her emotions. He wanted her to stop, he wanted her to just let it all go. It was hard enough to lose his brother, but to watch Caroline struggle with her grief tore his heart into pieces. It was frustrating wanting so badly to move on when Caroline continued to drown in her own sea of despair.

Sam took a deep breath before walking over to Caroline and without warning scoop her up in his arms and carry her back to the house. Caroline tried to push herself out of Sam's arms but she was so weak it was useless.

"Sam, please put me down." Caroline choked through her tears.

Sam refused to look at her while he continued the walk back to the house. "If they're going to listen they can hear you from inside."

Sam pushed the front door open with his foot before placing Caroline on the ground. He didn't say anything just walked to the bedroom and retrieved a sweat shirt from his bag. Sam came back out and placed the shirt on the counter, walked over to the fridge, and grabbed himself a beer. He cracked open the beer, took a long swig of the dark brown liquid before settling down on the couch and focusing on the wall in front of him. Caroline stood silently and watched Sam, trying to figure out what he was feeling. When he sat down Caroline simply turned around and stripped her wet clothes off before pulling the oversized sweatshirt over her head. When she was finished she left her clothes in the middle of the kitchen and walked over to sit next to Sam. She simply sat there, silent, watching Sam for his reaction. She could tell he had been tense for the last few days but she couldn't figure out why.

"I want you to let this go Caroline." Sam said simply as he took another sip of his beer.

Caroline turned wide eyes to Sam. "I'm not going to just 'let it go', this is Dean we're talking about. He's your brother Sam-"

"I know who he is Caroline!" Sam shouted finally fed up. "I get it, but I'm tired and I'm not going to spend the rest of my life trying to find him. You should be moving on Caroline, not standing outside in the rain hoping for someone to answer your call."

Caroline blinked at Sam confused. "What am I supposed to do Sam? I didn't go to college, I spent those years becoming a hunter. This is the only job I've ever had and Dean…he was that person, you know…the one…who you wanna live your life with."

Sam ran a hand through his hair, getting agitated. "We'll figure it out Caroline. We get out of this place, find a job, have a family, get a cat. Come on Caroline, you can't just sit here and hope Dean one day comes back."

"And what Sam, am I supposed to just move on and be with you? We walk off into the sunset and play house like the last six years didn't happen?"

"Well it's better than wasting your life in the middle of nowhere waiting for Dean to walk through the front door and yell surprise!"

Caroline stared at Sam, completely lost. She had too much to deal with, she didn't know what to do now. She didn't think her ideas were silly, Dean went to hell and he came back. How were they supposed to just believe this was the day Dean just gave up? Something in Caroline's gut told her Dean would never stop fighting, and she wasn't going to have him come home to her and his brother playing house.

"I can't Sam." Caroline whispered staring at her folded hands. "I'm not going to abandon him."

Sam pushed himself off the couch. "Well I'm not going to waste my life sitting here hoping Dean comes through that door."

Sam stomped across the room, snatched the keys from the counter in the kitchen, and walked over to the door. He stopped as his hand folded around the handle and took a deep breath.

"I love my brother and Cas Caroline, but this is hopeless. I've already gone through the losing myself all to find my brother. I can't do it all over again. Good-bye Caroline, I'm sorry."

And with that Sam opened the door and walked out into the rain.


End file.
